My friend, Jordan. One of those moments you don’t remember the first time you met. But you guys know I remember.
He’s my reference point. When I think about him, I think about Florida and ordering take out, and walking to Dunkin’ Donuts in the evening and no matter how hard I tried to blow the smoke away from his face, it would just follow him. He gave up swatting it away and instead just tolerating it for my sake.
Jordan is Jewish and he would teach me all about it. I was, as I always am, actually a reference point for most people, the exception, the outlier in most relational and social dynamics. And that was the fatal flaw, the Achilles heel. Back then? I wasn’t worried about softening myself for anyone, I was forming. Jordan wanted a friend, I was trying to be a spectacle. No matter how many times he adjusted, I introduced a new side of myself. I was a complicated card game, and he had just figured out how it all worked. We both lived on campus in Florida, our ritual was ordering Denny’s breakfast in the evening. He sent me a lot of his writing, and I read it and I held my tongue.
He didn’t hold his. Eventually he wrote me a poem and I have to say I loved him more for it. Because he’s not wrong at all. And we’ve stayed friends after too.
“Dear Ash
– Jordan Davis
How can I say goodbye without thanking you?
Have to know I’ll never go a day every mistaking you
As a curse
Because yes, we got what we deserved
But no, you’re a blessing
A well-learned lesson
In how not to treat others
We put up with each other for too long
Always knowing where the other was going wrong
But you’ll live forever in me
Focus on the guy to really remember
Focus on the guy to really see
You’ve helped shape who I am till now
Influenced me in the moments where you weren’t around
Crossed the line between vanity and self love
Made me question my sanity more times than enough
Facing down your demons
While knowing every meaning
Curiosity killed the cat
I guess that is that
Too great to change
So you’ll just stay the same
Making people adjust to you
Smiling when they come up to you
But let me just say I’m done with and through
In your mind you are always right
But here’s something you never knew
Your presence always leads to unsettling despair
So in essence I have begun not to care
Thinking the world will bend at your will
That nobody is as close to as skilled
Everyone else is two degrees lesser than
Happy to explain so they can understand
Some people stick some people fade
The person I like is there but in spades
Not a frequent visitor to the civility club
So I’ll hold on to my nobility and say enough is enough
Ashlandsblog 
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